February 1

”You can’t fix your broken thinking with your broken thinking.” Anonymous

One of my challenges in accepting that I suffered from an addiction, that I had this disease, was coming to terms with the fact that I couldn’t fix myself with anything I already knew. By delving into the First Step, by admitting that my life was unmanageable and that I was out of control, I saw the many ways in which I had, unsuccessfully tried to do things my way to break the bad habits and patterns of my life. This acceptance of course helped to lead me to the second and third steps, a willingness to turn my life over to a Higher Power that could restore me to sanity. In this way, I moved towards a new way of dealing with life, of trusting in something other than my own will to live, or my addiction, so that I could find my path back to a healthy life. This is the secret of the first three steps, as I understand them. The first means accepting that my thinking, my coping mechanisms, and my reality, are broken. Step Two is the promise of hope of a different way of life if I trust and surrender my will to a safe Higher Power. And finally in the third step I take action, even if only a baby step, by becoming willing to let my Higher Power guide my life and my actions. These steps were transformative for me. With the help of my sponsor and fellow members, progressing through them began the process of turning my life away from the fantastical world of my addiction towards reality. I was able to finally begin to see the fog life from the control of my addictive thinking that had clouded my judgement and reasoning for so long. Faith in my Higher Power led me back into the light of day.

Affirmation

I will remember the basics of the program as expressed in the first three steps today, acknowledge my problem, that there is hope, and that there is a different and better way to live.

June 24

”Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.” Brian Tracy

A fellow member was recently sharing about how they have been discovering their Higher Power while working Steps Two and Three. A phrase that they used really struck me, the fact that this person now felt comfortable to “lean into the struggle.” It was a great visual that made me reflect on my own story and how I used to recoil from confrontation. Complete avoidance or running away used to be the way I would escape, and then I would have bury the shame of feeling less than by acting out. These days, while I do not openly seek out conflict, I have regained confidence in myself to face up to situations that are worthwhile, where my character, values or morals are jeopardized. I am aware that this new strength and courage is a direct result of living a life that has a strong base of integrity and honesty. This change has only been possible because I too have reconnected to my Higher Power and have found the will to surrender. I do not fully comprehend what God’s plans are for me or what path lies before me. But I am learning to trust that his plan is a good one and that He means me no harm. I am open, ready and willing to follow His Good Orderly Direction, to be receptive to His will and not my own.

Affirmation I am grateful for discovering the power of surrendering each day to the God of my understanding. May His will, not mine, be done.

April 30

”Where the soul is full of peace and joy, outward surroundings and circumstances are of comparatively little account.” Hannah Whitall Smith

An important realization that I have had while working Steps Two and Three is that in turning my life over to my Higher Power, I also need to be open to how that power greater than myself will work through others around me. This is really why both prayer and meditation are important. Asking for help and guidance is only half the solution, the other half is being open and listening for the answer. When I live and breathe from a serene state, when I turn over those things I cannot control to my Higher Power, it is amazing how much easier it is to deal with day-to-day life. Having that inner peace is something that I strove to find in my addiction and acting out, yet all it brought me was chaos and turmoil. This new way of living is much more pleasant and rewarding, without as many negative side effects. Life is still challenging. I still face difficult choices, conflict, controversy and change. Yet I am becoming better equipped to handle life as it happens, rather than avoiding, isolating or delaying what has transpired. I am far from perfect, but each step of progress is encouraging and gives credence to the idea that working my program will restore my sanity.

Affirmation Today I will be open to the way that my Higher Power works through those around me.

February 24

”Nothing good was ever done without much enduring.” Catherine of Sienna

The second step is our opportunity to accept that there is help for us now that we realize that we cannot recover solely by ourselves. In coming to terms that there is a power greater than ourselves, we gain understanding that there is something willing to guide us. We can likely even find instances in our life where there were coincidences or chances that seemed to occur to change the direction of our lives, signs that a Higher Power has always been with us even when we were not aware. Now we can make a more conscious effort to listen for the guidance offered by our Higher Power, whatever it may be. Step Two does not promise us an easy road, but it gives the hope there is a path we can take to regain our sanity. We have endured so much to bring us to this point in our recovery but we gain strength in the knowledge that our Higher Power will accompany us when we let it into our hearts, minds and souls.

Affirmation I believe that a power greater than myself is here to guide me on my journey to recovery.