July 16

”The potential for changing the future can lie only in the present.” Gillian Butler

In my early recovery I had a difficult situation of having to break off a relationship with a potential acting out partner. My best way to handle the situation immediately was an abrupt break with little reason or justification provided. I didn’t trust myself to get into any lengthy conversation figuring I would rationalize things to make it okay and continue supporting my addiction. Unfortunately this meant leaving the other person in the dark. It took over a year for me to gain enough maturity and strength to speak with this person again. It was someone whom I still saw from time to time and I would dread each potential encounter, not trusting what to say or worrying about how they still felt. So a meeting in a public place to clear the air and seek some closure eventually took place. One thing that was said which made me reflect after the fact was the question of how I could use someone who was a willing participant. I came to the realization that it only mattered about my own perception. I knew I had not been open, honest or genuine with this person, intending only to seek gratification for my fantasies and to feed my addiction. I was hurting myself in pursuing that encounter, regardless of how the other person felt. I am thankful my Higher Power continues to provide me with such powerful insights.

Affirmation I have many things I can learn from the past and the lessons are there to be learned in their own time.