August 19

”Confidence is courage at ease.” Daniel Maher

Looking back I can see that there was a certain sense of confidence I had in my acting out periods of my life. The fact that I was so obsessed by my addiction, that I poured so much of my time and energy into, means that I actually got good at it. This is not any achievement that I am proud of, but in examining this, there are lessons I can learn to help me in recovery today. The biggest one is that in order to gain confidence in something new, it takes time, practice and effort. It means willing to risk making mistakes. It is about taking things slowly in small pieces and gradually making them bigger and more complicated. So living in recovery and working my program is a work in progress. It’s normal for it to feel awkward, to be frustrated by my lack of apparent progress and to feel like giving up. It’s only through perseverance and dedication, sticking to my guns, that I will make lasting changes. In time my confidence and self-esteem for my recovery self are going to show up. They have for me in many ways. I am able to recognize frequently when my addictive influence is trying to persuade me to go back to my old ways. This in turn allows me to act in preventative ways instead of only cleaning up after the mess. The program is returning my life to one of sanity and serenity, One Day At A Time. I am eternally grateful for my second lease on life.

Affirmation

Recovery is a learning process, a tear-down of the old me and the building up of a new one. One step at a time I will continue my transformation into the true me.

March 13

”Who does not know what it is to rise up from a fault perceived, confirmed and forgiven – with an almost joyous sense of new energy, strength, and will to persevere?” Sidney Lear

There will be times in our recovery when we feel we have lost our way. It may be that we cannot find enough faith, hope or support to keep moving forward. It’s moments like this that more than ever we need to turn to our tools of recovery – our sponsor, groups and our Higher Power to help us continue along the right path. Being in this state reminds me of Dori from the children’s movie Finding Nemo. When Nemo’s father has lost all hope of finding his son in the vast ocean, Dori begins singing her mantra “Just keep swimming.” The same holds true for us when we feel we have strayed. We need to keep working the steps to move forward and utilizing all the tools we have learned from the program. The action to just keep swimming, even though we may not be certain where we are headed, will eventually lead us somewhere better than where we are.

Affirmation I know that if I lose my way, I can keep moving and will eventually find my way back to the path of recovery.