November 16

”Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” Orison Swett Marden

One of the recurring themes in my recovery has been the fact that the right choices have most often turned out to be the hard choices. Dedicating myself to my program, sticking with the steps, turning away from my addictive thinking and behaviors towards sanity and sobriety – all these have and continue to force me to make difficult choices. The ways of the past, doing what I am used to and comfortable with, going with the flow – that was the easier, faster way. But that path no longer works for me, the cost of living that way is far too great. So I push the boulder up the hill, walk on the coals of the fires I started, and plug the leaky dam with fingers, toes and whatever else I can find. Okay, maybe not literally, but some of the challenges have seemed overwhelming, like the odds were stacked against me. It has taken courage, strength, patience, love, support, but most of all faith, to stick with doing the right thing. Have I accomplished things? Certainly. Are these things that most people in my life can see? Most of them, not directly, no. Many of the hardest battles have happened between my ears, the struggle of choosing between my old behaviours and my new, resisting the urge to go back to my old way of life. Over time, though, these choices have indirectly had a positive effect on those around me. And of course a direct impact on my sanity and the manageability of my life.

Affirmation

Doing the right thing is often hard, requires more effort, and is a challenge. I will trust in my program and my Higher Power as I know the reward is worth it.

January 14

”Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.” Erica Jong

I think we all have moments like this, where we know what it is we are supposed to do, but because it is a hard decision and it makes us uncomfortable, we ask someone else’s opinion, hoping for an easier way out. I find myself in spots like this all the time, certainly in trying to deal with the repercussions of my acting out behaviour. Repairing bridges and broken relationships is hard, unpleasant work most of the time. It is not easy accepting my part in what went wrong, even if I wasn’t really myself at the time. But part of the healing process requires that I accept the consequences of my behaviours, that I start becoming a living amends for the way things used to be and accept the responsibilities that are part of the life I lead right now. Taking the easy road might work, in the short term, but I have usually found that it just delays me until I come back to the same tough choice. Eventually, if I really want to make things different and move in a new direction, I have to find the courage to jump through the burning hoop of fire, and pray that I don’t get burned too badly. While it is a good idea to double-check my decisions with someone else, hoping for the easy way out is not something that usually is in my best interest. The goal is most often worth the struggle and effort that I need to exert to attain it.

Affirmation I am learning to accept the hard choices which are the right ones and to not to shy away because they require work. My Higher Power is always there to support me.