December 18

” It is not insult from another that causes you pain. It is the part of your mind that agrees with the insult. Agree only with the truth about you, and you are free.” Alan Cohen

As I struggle to move forward with my life, I am still too easily drawn back into the past by the words and deeds of others who have not moved forward. There are just certain buttons that can still trigger a reaction in me like I am not worthy, not deserving of love, happiness or peace. It is hard moving past the shame, guilt and regret of not having been a better person and for having mistreated people in the past. But I cannot change what has been and have to find a way to be living better for today. When I feel myself on the defense or getting riled up about something someone has said or done, I need to take a step back. This is a good opportunity for me to repeat the Serenity Prayer and reflect on what is happening and how I am reacting with my emotions. I need to find what parts of me are bothered by the situation, how I feel targeted, ignored, disrespected or whatever the case may be. This is my area of control, but also where I will find insight into why I want to run away or fight back. The trick is for me to evaluate the event and to let my initial feelings come and pass. Then, and only then, can I act without adding those reactionary, and often harsh, emotions into the mix and escalating the issue. By accepting only  the truth I can diffuse a potential scene.

Affirmation I have the right to my feelings, but they are warning signs to be heeded but not to be thrown out rashly.