December 21

”We are haunted by an ideal life, and it is because we have within us the beginning and the possibility of it.” Phillip Brooks

It is still challenging to admit that I have moments of weakness and temptation. I still get upset and frustrated with myself when I find that I am being pulled into my middle circle. I think, in my case, that perhaps I am haunted by an ideal recovery, knowing that I have within me the potential for a “textbook” recovery, if such a thing were to exist. The reality is that I am human and I am flawed. I have strengths and weaknesses, talents and imperfections, the potential for good and poor decisions alike. I will take steps backwards as I try to move forwards. Not everything I do will I get right the first time around. Yet there is not much harm in keeping the hope of an ideal recovery in my head. It can be a goal, one that I know I shall never achieve, but that I can strive towards nonetheless. Like wanting to be more like Christ or Buddha is good for some, I, too, can seek to live an ideal life within my imperfect vessel. The importance is to keep trying and to continue using my tools to live better, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation I need to remind myself today that I can do my best, yet that it is alright to make mistakes, to have a slip, to experience a setback. Trying to be perfect in recovery is not a requirement, but can be a goal I reach towards.