December 7 (57)

”Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.” Willa Cather

As I prepare for my first holiday season since my separation, it has been hard not to feel the pull back into the past and the weight of all my regrets hanging over me, threatening to pull me under once again. Adding to that fact is the prospect of spending a good portion of the holidays alone. This is a challenge indeed and one where I have been loath to accept offers of help from friends and family, at least thus far. But then do I really trust that I am sufficiently wilful to resist temptation to succumb to the pressure wholly of my own accord? As most days go, it has become routine to deal with the occasional thought, desire or situation which triggers me. I am gaining confidence in my new coping abilities when confronted in these ways. This holiday season is the first major event that I will have to face and endure. I know there are people who will be able to support, yet I also know I may be less likely to want to interrupt their festivities if I need to reach out. A dilemma indeed! Perhaps I can simply accept those good times from the past without focusing on what is lacking today. Being in recovery is a gift in of itself that I can never show enough appreciation for having been granted. I need some extra faith in my Higher Power that this is going to work as it was meant to be.

Affirmation I can face tougher days and humble myself to admit that maybe I cannot, and need not, do everything on my own.