December 13 (51)

”The nearest way to glory – a shortcut, as it were – is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be.” Socrates

Being an estranged parent is one of the prices and pains I bear for my past behaviour. Attending events like school concerts, sitting alone knowing that my children, whom I still hold dear in my heart, are sitting on the other side of the room, tears me in two. I cry myself to sleep after encounters like this, lost in prayer with my Higher Power that someday, somehow, the opportunity will present itself to let my children back into my life. I guard the hopes of a different future than this present I endure, and in the meantime pray for the strength to carry on while shouldering this burden. The pain of this loss is often hard to bear, but I am grateful that I need not manage it alone. I know I can turn to others in the program, my sponsor, friends and family to help me find the courage to continue moving forward. I continue to act as if, as if I will overcome my addiction, as if I will become a better parent, as if all children will have an active part in my life. I have faith that the God of my understanding has a better future in store for me, in His own time and His own way. The pain is a reminder to keep going so I do not make those same mistakes again. I will become what I think I can be.

Affirmation My pain is my teacher and a reminder of the cost of my addiction but it will help to keep focused on being in recovery and changing my ways.