December 17

” The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.” Thérèse of Lisieux

I remember in my early days of recovery worrying about what other people in the room might think of me, but also that no one else had experienced the same bizarre, outrageous and warped fantasies that played in my own head. There was nobody who would be able to relate, who would have had similar experiences that could truly understand where I was coming from. Luckily it didn’t take long for me to realize that even though the specifics of my behaviors didn’t match exactly with anyone else, the causes and effects were the same. The loss of control, of doing things purely out of habit or when I really didn’t want to was common to all. As was the unmanageability, the multiple attempts to stop, the total removal of any acting out materials only to start anew, the hopelessness and desperation of not knowing how to get off the addiction treadmill. My recovery might be faster if all the addicts were the same as me, but more likely it wouldn’t happen at all as I would get nothing but affirmation that I was like all the others. It is the differences in all those I meet that I cherish, that give me cause to look at a number of aspects in my own life to make improvements. I am glad for the variety that is helping to shape my recovery.

Affirmation I will rejoice in the individuality I find at meetings that enhances the common goal of stopping addictive sexual behaviour.