September 22

”The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” Oscar Wilde

My addiction seems to hold true to this idea. Once a seed is planted to fall into middle or inner circle behaviour, it is an inevitability that I will find myself there. It may take minutes, hours or even days, but eventually I will succumb to the uncontrollable desire. Yet if I honestly look at my period of recovery thus far, while I have indeed slipped along the way, I certainly have not acted upon every addictive thought that has crossed my mind, in fact far from it. There is one part of my recovery where it is still challenging to be gentle to myself. The perfectionist in me wants the clean track record, no slips, and no fantasies, to deny anything that is part of who I no longer wish to be. While that is the goal I am striving for, I need to be gentler and realistic in seeing that I will not achieve this instantaneously. There is no switch to flip to turn that part of me off. I am glad that even though I give in to the temptation from time to time, that I can disagree with Mr. Wilde in believing that this is always the case. I have choices and I can choose to do something else. Recovery continues to give me ways to live differently and handle the situations life puts before me.

Affirmation I have choices and there is power within me, supported by my Higher Power and my fellowship, to choose a new path.