September 5

”If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it elsewhere.” Marvin Gaye

My addiction only ever had one goal in mind – escape. To run, hide, avoid or ignore the pain, stress, emotion or whatever negative or seemingly overwhelming situation was before me. The more my addiction took over, the more things I feared and needed to escape from, the more lies and excuses I had  to manufacture to rationalize and justify my behaviour to “normalize” it and make it acceptable for myself.  Taking away this toxic coping mechanism from my life as I discover and use the tools of recovery leads me in a new direction. I am learning to like the person I see in the mirror, to know and feel that I act with more integrity, that I am honest and genuine with myself and others. In short, my life is moving from chaos to serenity. Although many outside factors have assisted and influenced my recovery, the transformation has come from within. My addiction promised happiness, content, joy, pleasure and even peace through many external things. Yet it has been in my recovery, in learning to love, care and nurture myself, that I am finding the peace within me…and it’s a peace that no one can take away from me.

Affirmation I need to work on me from the inside out, to bring forth my qualities that will reflect the authentic person I am becoming.