March 29

"But fear is an incompetent teacher...to be alive is a responsibility as well as a right.” Patrick Stewart

I've heard the mantra in the program than pain is a teacher. I think that is a more valuable assessment, so I agree with the actor's statement as Admiral Jean-Luc Picard, fear is not a great teacher. Fear has taught me to hide, to cower, to run away from adversity and difficult. Pain used to teach me the same thing, but only because I turned to the compulsive and obsessive behaviours and acts of my addiction. In recovery, pain is a signal that there is something going on that I need to pay attention to, that this is an opportunity for growth and change, not something that I from which I need to escape.      I have been given this life, for a reason, I have a purpose. I have both a responsibility, and the right, to use the talents, skills, and abilities that I possess, to live the best and most productive life that I can. My addictive past was selfish and self-centered. My life in recovery, while taking care of myself may be seen as a selfish act, is all about widening my horizons so that I am an active part of my community and the world. It is about being the best me I can in order to give service to others.     I still face fear and pain. I still have regret, shame and guilt. Yet these are no longer the dominating emotions in my world. Rather, I am able to focus on the hope, joy, serenity and beauty in the world. I am maturing, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and even in my relationships. I am more connected to myself, more in harmony between my thoughts, words, and actions.

Affirmation

I will be open to the signs of fear and pain in my life today and look for the opportunities within them for growth and development.