January 5

”One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it unless it has all been suffering, nothing but suffering.” Jane Austen

The past was a place where for quite some time all I found was suffering, especially when I was near the bottom of my acting out. There was little hope, only pain, frustration, loss and despair. It took time as I moved into recovery to start finding positive things in my present, let alone in my past. Yet with time, as I have progressed through the steps and taken stock of who I am and all that I have done, I have found a more balanced life than I believed existed. While it’s true my primary focus for many years was my addiction and all the negativity that surrounded it, I can also see there were positives and accomplishments I made during those years as well. My scale was not 100% “evil” or “monster” like my addict tries to make believe. Suffering has had its place but I am now capable to find joy, happiness, success and achievement intermingled amongst all the rest when I look back at my life. It is by focusing on the good things that I can strive to be better today. I cannot change the past, but I have the power to choose which parts of it will influence me and help me as I live for today. I can decide to shed the negative skin and leave it behind me where it belongs.

Affirmation I do no need to be simply a product of my past. I have the power to be the person I want to be today, in recovery, by the grace of God.