January 3

”Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” Carl Sagan

Absence of evidence, boy did I think I was good at covering my tracks of my acting out. I guess I was to some degree as I was able to keep taking greater and greater risks, or more likely I was just lucky. In reality I was caught red-handed more than once, but even that was not enough arrest my behaviours for more than a short period of time. The bigger problem is that my double-life, my lies, sneaking around and hidden activities only destroyed the trust of those close to me. Because I was good at keeping secrets it has made regaining that trust that much more of a challenge. I have lost relationships because the confidence could not be regained; it was and would have always remained an issue. Even still being in recovery, working my program, praying, meditating, reading, writing and all the other of my tools are not necessarily evidence of my continuing abstinence. Those who care about me have to take my sobriety on faith as I cannot provide any guarantees other than the fact that I am trying to be in recovery today. My promises are not worth much, and even less the further into the future that they extend. I need to provide continual proof that my behaviours are changing and also have to be prepared to answer any question at any time. My honest and open responses are paramount to rebuilding trust.

Affirmation I commit to being an open book. I have more to prove that I am working my program to regain the trust of those who are important in my life.