November 18

”Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Malcom S. Forbes

I am grateful for the Step work that I have done so far. I found the approach that I used was a great tool which focused on balance and that gave equal weight to looking at the negative aspects of my past as well as the positive. The bad stuff was easy to find, there was an ample supply. The good parts were more challenging to find, but these were key components to help me in my recovery. Through these existing and recognizable strengths I was able to focus on parts of me, where I was at in the present, that were wholesome and good, and that became the foundation of redefining who I was as a person. In many ways, through those initial weeks and months of recovery, I overvalued what I thought I was – all those ugly parts that I associated with my addict. I undervalued what had been hidden or pushed aside as a result, or the character traits that I thought were only part of the façade, the public face to the world, which were still (and are) assets and things to be proud of. There was a great deal of soul searching while I worked through sorting out the kind of person I thought I was. I uncovered some strange things. I began to notice how many of my strengths had been subverted to support my addiction rather than healthier choices. Some obvious examples were my ability to write, my concern for others, and my ability to focus on the task at hand. All these are tools, and like any tool, they are not in themselves good or bad, but can be made so by how they are put to use. This awareness gave me building blocks to re-use solid parts of me for my recovery and to give them positive value.

Affirmation

The courage of Step One is the willingness to delve into myself and rediscover who I am. This is the beginning of a journey worth taking.

November 9

”You’re never too small to receive big things, and should never be too big to appreciate the small ones.” Anonymous

More and more I find reasons to be appreciative of the world around me. Recovery has allowed me to be more conscious of all the wonders that life has to offer, big and small. This expanded view of everything, this limitless horizon, has made me want to give thanks for all the beauty, joy and love that I see. This is all a part of my continually improving relationship with my Higher Power, and my opportunity to give praise and thanks for the opportunities and experiences that I have been offered. Life is not always a bed of roses. There are days which are grey, with dark clouds that follow me. Yet even in these moments there are things that I can be grateful for. I know my Higher Power, and many others are with me during those harder times. I have many tools, resources and skills to help me cope and overcome whatever I am facing. There is always hope of the better times to come, and I know that there is a reason for me going through whatever the situation is, even if I don’t realize it at the time. Life is a journey with many colours, flavours, twists and turns along the way. Things rarely happen the way I plan or hope. Yet I am confident that my Higher Power has a good plan for me, that there is a purpose to the path I am following. Therefore I am grateful for all the experiences along the way because the end result will have been worth all that I had to get through to reach the goal.

Affirmation

Today I give thanks for all that has happened, the good, the bad and the ugly. I trust in the divine purpose of my life and that my Higher Power does indeed know what is best for me.

November 6

”Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” Arthur Golden

I used to think Utopia would be a world where everything was perfect, where there was no conflict, only peace, harmony and love. Somewhere along the way, I have come to believe that if such a place existed, well at least on Earth, I think it would be simply boring, dull and dreary. I honestly think that part of being human, perhaps even the essence of humanity, is our need to struggle and to challenge the norm. Our brief history in the universe is evidence to support this theory. Humans have continued to fight the wave, to go against popular belief, to explore, discover, invent, and hypothesize. Yet as we discover more about the world around us, I also see a trend in us turning more inward, in a growing movement of people to look deeper within ourselves. I do think certain cultures and pockets of society have done this for some time, but it seems to be a more common thread. The difficulties that I face in life, the “dark” or bad times of my life have often been the more powerful catalysts that have helped me to better understand myself. This is a primary focus of my recovery journey. It is a goal to look not only in the mirror to see the real me, but to deeply seek to know the entire being that I am through introspection, investigation, experimentation, meditation and experience. This is not only for me to better cope with my addiction, but to help me develop new traits, characteristics and tools to deal with life in new and better ways, to change some of the fundamental aspects of me that have been flawed for many years. Bring on the adversity!

Affirmation

Challenge is a chance for change. Let me be willing to know myself intimately.