July 21

”Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Jim Rohn

Working my program is, in large part, about discipline. One of the things that I lacked, was a healthy sense of discipline, during my active acting out. All too often my life was controlled by whims and desires, seeking instant gratification whenever and wherever the urge arose. There was little that resembled any self-restraint. My life was more a mix of periods of quiet interspersed with periods of chaos. Therefore one of the tasks in my early recovery was to re-establish a routine, with healthy checks and balances and early warning devices to help keep me on track. It was about taking the steps and my outer circle activities and incorporating them into my life. In order to change my problematic lifestyle, I needed to find better ways to cope with the daily challenges I faced. This was about creating new and better habits to change who I was fundamentally. If I look back now, really this was about going through the junk drawer of habits and behaviours and throwing out the ones that I had been holding onto for too long, but that were expired and not very useful. I had to do that clean-up work in order to make room for the new and improved ways of handling life events. This is all part of the process, and it can be difficult to work through, because all those old ways are comfortable and known, they come with no surprises. But the recognition that they are destructive rather than helpful assisted in my willingness to let them go.

Affirmation

Establishing discipline in my new behaviours is the foundation for allowing me to work towards new goals.

July 20

”Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” Helen Keller

I had a great, positive experience recently that also gave me a long time to reflect as well. It was a team obstacle course, and I was part of a fairly large team, most people whom I only met for the first time the day of the event. The challenges were spaced out a fair distance so there was lots of time to job between them. And most of the challenges were set up so that the team had to act in unison to help each other complete the tasks. Somehow, I found myself in front of the team about halfway through the course. Not believing that I could have surpassed them, I pressed on, determined to find the head of the pack, denying that it could be me given my current level of fitness. A few challenges later without site of any of my team mates, I started to slow down, eventually stopping before the final few event to let my friends catch up. That time alone made me think about the importance of sticking together. It also made me think of how my initial reaction often, when I feel alone or isolated, is to run further away, instead of slowing down to let people catch up to me. At the end of the event was a very difficult challenge that needed almost everyone’s assistance and participation to complete. I am grateful that I took that pause to be part of the team in overcoming that hurdle. It was a moment of service, celebration and triumph. And it would not have been the same if I had done it on my own.

Affirmation

Being part of a team or a group is an important part of my recovery. Whether or not I lead, or my presence is important to how the group functions and behaves.

July 19

”Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes courage. You have to fall in order to practice being brave.” Mary Tyler Moore

Not much in life is achieved without trying. Trying to do something new means opening myself to the risk of failure. With failure comes rejection, disappointment, pain and even shame. But I also recognize that these negatives are, and should, become the fuel for change, perseverance and another try. Taking chances is a requirement for growth. I like the line from the movie “We Bought A Zoo” that sometimes all it takes in life is 20 seconds of insane courage to experience something wonderful. Getting up the nerve to confront my fears, to be momentarily brave, is usually worth more in the long term than the worry of pain or embarrassment or whatever was holding me back in the first place. Like Nike’s famous slogan, sometimes I have to just “Do It.” Pain and suffering are teachers. I like to think, at least most of the time, that the more I have suffered, the more that there is growth and a better path that awaits me as I learn from my past mistakes. This is simply part of the process as I transform into the new and improved me, scars and all.

Affirmation

I will look at those things that are bothering me today, not as something to worry about, but as a source to move in a better, brighter, saner direction. I am worth it!