October 26

”When our hatred is too bitter it places us below those whom we hate.” Francois de la Rochefoucauld

One thing which has always bothered me, and still does, is when someone does not treat me with respect. It’s a trigger point for an angry outburst that is usually exaggerated based on the treatment (or mistreatment) that I have received. When I succumb to those outbursts though, I immediately sense that I have put myself lower than the person who has disappointed me. A recurring cause of regret and shame in my life for sure. Sometimes I manage to avoid lowering myself to the level of the person who is frustrating or antagonizing me. These are moments I can be proud of, the times when I stand my ground, keep my cool, and still continue to act out of respect for the other even if they don’t really deserve it. It’s about maintaining my standards in all situations, but also about treating others as I would like to be treated. Hatred, jealousy, bitterness or envy, these darker emotions can quickly take me to a place where I am no better, or worse than the people around me who bother me or get on my nerves. Some people will try to push my buttons, touch my sensitive areas to get me to react. But degrading my standards or disrespecting my own values is not something that will help me grow. I can all too easily spiral into a period of loathing which will turn me in towards myself and take me closer to my addiction. That is not a direction I wish to take, the cost of coming back is too great.

Affirmation

When I am mistreated it is okay to feel hurt, angry, or disrespected. But I believe that it is my Higher Power’s place to judge and punish others, not mine. Sometimes a taking deep breath and walking away is the best thing I can do for me.

October 22

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Step 3 is about turning our will and our life over the care of the God of our understanding. This is a deliberate act to relinquish control in my life, not to become a puppet, but to be lead because left to my own devices I tend to go astray. It is about faith and hope in a being/entity/source greater than me that frankly has a better understanding of life, the universe and everything. It’s also a sign of trust that my Higher Power, given the chance, will lead me down a better, brighter and more prosperous path. An acronym I quite like for God is Good Orderly Direction. That is what my prayer and meditation tend to focus on, asking for advice, direction, and aide in following God’s will. The complementary component to my prayer is to give thanks, to take the time to show gratitude for all the wonderful things that I have in life, all the ways that my Higher Power is taking care of me. I have had many false “gods” in my life, my addiction the most obvious, but I have become obsessed with others like recognition, fame, and fortune in periods of my life as well. Worshipping things of this world only mires me deeper in the problems of my earthly life. Experience is showing me that worshipping my spiritual source is not only taking away many of my worldly concerns, it is giving me freedom, joy and contentment that I never believed I could enjoy.

Affirmation

I will trust in my Higher Power, for His will and intention are good and just. In giving Him praise, I acknowledge all that He has done for me.

October 14

”Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom

Choices are the cornerstone of my world. There are those which propel me forward and those which help to keep me mired in the muck. Worry is one of the latter. It is something I am recognizing that serves no purpose other than to have me dwell incessantly on past mistakes or a future that has not yet come. Both of these have the same result, which is taking me away from today and from acting in the moment. Worry is also a root of other negative states, like anxiety, fear, desperation, frustration, sorrow and even depression. It saps my time and energy to focus on those things within my control. Worry is very much about spending, or wasting, time on all the multitude of things which are outside my control. A good place for the Serenity Prayer to help me regain my bearings. Just like my circles teach me to surround myself with healthy activities, I also need to consciously seek healthy states of mind. I agree that there will be times when situations evoke less pleasant emotions, and that it is important for me to experience them and get through those moments. However, those should not be my predominant feelings to help me along my way. I recognize that life is not a steady state, but filled with highs and lows, yet I do have the ability to wallow in my states of despair and sadness, or to find the courage to find the joy and happiness in life. My Higher Power is always there to lend me the strength to get back to living my life rather than merely passing from moment to moment.

Affirmation

Just like there are days when it is difficult to get out of bed, so too are there days when it will be hard to put a smile on my face. Yet even this is a choice, and I can choose to see the light of the day rather than the shadow that falls behind me.