March 3

”For a few hours we call night it seems to be gone, but it is still shiningly there and will reappear on the morrow. Storms may darken the sky at noonday, but the sun is still there and will soon break through.” Neal A. Maxwell

My current partner asked me recently how my sex life was now compared to when I was in my addiction. My first reaction was that it was like night and day. I reflected on this and began to see that my comparison was more accurate than I first imagined. Sex from my compulsive acting out is like looking around at night in the darkness. Colors were muted, details were lost, and things were but a shadow of their real form. This describes many of my sexual encounters that were shallow, with no deeper connection or meaning to them. Although my addict knew the true shape and substance of everything, what I experienced was but a ghostly image of what was really there. My healthier sexual relations today are much more like the daytime. Colors are vibrant, details are sharp and clear, and I am able to see and appreciate things for what they are. I am able to viewthe many nuances of life, and connect with all my senses to the world around me. All this has helped me discover a new level of intimacy that I can share with my special someone.

Affirmation I will embrace true intimacy and develop healthy sexual relationships as I learn to connect with all my senses.

March 2

”Trust yourself. If you don’t learn to trust yourself, you will never be happy. You’ll always be deferring your authority to someone or something outside of you.” Paul Selig

One member’s introduction made a big impression on me and served as a reminder of the fact that I often go to a meeting to share the things I don’t want to say. Recently this message took on a new meaning as I began to look more at my actions, primarily as part of my work on Step 10. What I have discovered is not only that I need to share the things I don’t want to talk about or prefer to keep a secret, but that I also need to apply this to what I do. I have many choices in my day of what needs to get done  or what I should be doing, and I have recognized that I often shy away from the things I don’t want do. Just like I need to share the things I would rather not bring out into the open, I am realizing that the things I don’t want to do are what I should be doing. Most often they are related to my recovery and taking better care of myself. I was too used to shirking my responsibilities during my active addiction, of finding everything I could do other than what really needed to be done, so this is another area where I need to work and develop better habits.

Affirmation I will prayer for the strength and courage to do the things that I would rather not today. The challenge they present is a block I need to overcome to grow.