August 26

”Even in the darkness there is something to be learned.” Scott Stewart

Fear. Envy. Anger. Greed. Jealousy. Hatred. Evil. War. These are some of the many shades of darkness. For me as a child, these were aspects of sin, of the failure to live up to the standards of God as written in the Bible. My addiction is certainly my personal heart of darkness. Black as coal. Slick as oil. Dark as night. Life has many tints of light and darkness in it as well. It’s found in the places I go, the people I met, the experiences that I live. The dichotomy of light and dark, good and evil, life and death, exists in almost everything around me. In my journey of recovery, I have had to learn to not only endure the darkness, but to plunge willing into it, to embrace and explore it in an attempt to gain understanding. In short, in order to shed some light on it. It is only in doing so, in learning the truth about my other side, my other self, that I have been able to put things into perspective. This knowledge gives me the power to deflate the ego of my addict, to dispel the lies and exaggerations that held me captive for so many years. It is this understanding of the worst side of me that has given me the promise to bring forth the best into the world.

Affirmation I am not good or evil, light or dark, but a myriad of colors, ever changing. In my willingness to explore all the corners of my being, I will grow and become stronger.