December 22

”A constant struggle, a ceaseless battle to bring success from inhospitable surroundings, is the price of all great achievements.” Orison Swett Madison

Dealing with life on life’s terms some days can be a challenge. Having emotions again, well there are moments when the temptation to numb them can feel attractive. Feeling hurt, sad, angry or rejected, this is not a fun place to be. Yet my recovery has taught me that I don’t make things better by wanting to escape from my emotions. The best thing I can do is sit through them and even explore where they are coming from, what needs in me are being unmet, and to learn from the experience. Life is a constant struggle where many things may seem to be against me.  But that isn’t entirely fair either. Life may feel like a battleground, but most of the time it’s pretty close to paradise. The dark clouds are only temporary, and I am learning how to weather the storm. This is the trick, to prepare myself not just to survive the inclement weather, but to brave the howling winds and push through the storm. It is in adversity that I grow, that I must rely on my strengths and my resources to move on. It is also where my faith in my Higher Power helps me to stay grounded and to keep up my hopes that this too shall pass. Yet the growth comes from wading through the challenges more than simply remaining as a bystander.

Affirmation

Life may feel like it is riddled with challenges, but they are opportunities for growth and to build my confidence in handling life in better, healthier ways.

December 14

”Flee from sexual immorality.  Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God?” 1 Corinthians 16:18-19

I find myself struggling with this idea lately. Rationally I understand the concept, that my body is merely the vessel “on loan” from my Higher Power which hosts my soul, my small piece of that divinity which encompasses all. This is a struggle of changing my perception of being a body with a soul to that of a soul that is temporarily residing in a body. So how exactly does this change my viewpoint? Well, if I truly believe that I am soul inhabiting this physical form, then I guess that means I need to respect this container. And this is where I have ample proof that I have failed, that I have not taken good care of this spiritual shell. I have abused it, neglected it and taken it for granted on many occasions. I have fallen short in treating it with the importance due that divine source within, my soul, my connection with my Higher Power. Reflection brings me back to a simple conundrum, the power of choice. In order to truly treat my body as the gift from my Higher Power, I need to make the right choices. Not the easy ones, not the instant gratification ones, but those that truly take into account how precious life, my life, really is. My addiction has consequences, from the smallest thought to acting out and everything in between. Each strains my connection to myself, my soul, and ultimately my Higher Power. And that is the greatest disservice I can do in return for the life that has been given to me.

Affirmation

Today I will ask for help from my Higher Power to pay proper respect to the precious gift, my body and my life, which has been given to me.

December 6

”Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

What does it mean to be myself? Who am I really? I think some days I am still trying to figure that out. The more I look inside myself, look at all the parts of me that have been tucked away to make room for my addiction, the less I think I know about myself. I have a multitude of defense mechanisms, of personas and characters that I have built to handle the various aspects of my life. There is the Work Persona, the Sports Persona, the Volunteer Persona, the Boyfriend, the Father, the Son, and the list goes on. My challenge is to take each of these one at a time and study them. There are good and less healthy characteristics of each. Only by investigating why I have created them can I determine which core parts are worthwhile to keep, and those that I need to let go of. This is a continuation of my inventory work, to better understand and accept myself as I am. In doing so I am learning what types of things fit most naturally in my life, the core structure that I have built to accept and give intangibles like love, joy, sadness, reject, jealousy, or happiness. This structure was developed at an early age and unconsciously is how I tend to react in life. It’s only through exploration that I can see where I need to enhance this fundamental part of me to allow new things to fit into my life. My Higher Power is wise beyond my understanding and I believe that I was given all the tools I need to accomplish the goals laid on the path before me. It is my responsibility to know what those skills and strengths are and to avail myself of them. And of course, to pray and meditate for the direction that I am supposed to take to employ them.

Affirmation

I am the one and only me. My most important challenge is to study myself so that I can be the best me possible.

November 18

”Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Malcom S. Forbes

I am grateful for the Step work that I have done so far. I found the approach that I used was a great tool which focused on balance and that gave equal weight to looking at the negative aspects of my past as well as the positive. The bad stuff was easy to find, there was an ample supply. The good parts were more challenging to find, but these were key components to help me in my recovery. Through these existing and recognizable strengths I was able to focus on parts of me, where I was at in the present, that were wholesome and good, and that became the foundation of redefining who I was as a person. In many ways, through those initial weeks and months of recovery, I overvalued what I thought I was – all those ugly parts that I associated with my addict. I undervalued what had been hidden or pushed aside as a result, or the character traits that I thought were only part of the façade, the public face to the world, which were still (and are) assets and things to be proud of. There was a great deal of soul searching while I worked through sorting out the kind of person I thought I was. I uncovered some strange things. I began to notice how many of my strengths had been subverted to support my addiction rather than healthier choices. Some obvious examples were my ability to write, my concern for others, and my ability to focus on the task at hand. All these are tools, and like any tool, they are not in themselves good or bad, but can be made so by how they are put to use. This awareness gave me building blocks to re-use solid parts of me for my recovery and to give them positive value.

Affirmation

The courage of Step One is the willingness to delve into myself and rediscover who I am. This is the beginning of a journey worth taking.

November 9

”You’re never too small to receive big things, and should never be too big to appreciate the small ones.” Anonymous

More and more I find reasons to be appreciative of the world around me. Recovery has allowed me to be more conscious of all the wonders that life has to offer, big and small. This expanded view of everything, this limitless horizon, has made me want to give thanks for all the beauty, joy and love that I see. This is all a part of my continually improving relationship with my Higher Power, and my opportunity to give praise and thanks for the opportunities and experiences that I have been offered. Life is not always a bed of roses. There are days which are grey, with dark clouds that follow me. Yet even in these moments there are things that I can be grateful for. I know my Higher Power, and many others are with me during those harder times. I have many tools, resources and skills to help me cope and overcome whatever I am facing. There is always hope of the better times to come, and I know that there is a reason for me going through whatever the situation is, even if I don’t realize it at the time. Life is a journey with many colours, flavours, twists and turns along the way. Things rarely happen the way I plan or hope. Yet I am confident that my Higher Power has a good plan for me, that there is a purpose to the path I am following. Therefore I am grateful for all the experiences along the way because the end result will have been worth all that I had to get through to reach the goal.

Affirmation

Today I give thanks for all that has happened, the good, the bad and the ugly. I trust in the divine purpose of my life and that my Higher Power does indeed know what is best for me.

November 6

”Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” Arthur Golden

I used to think Utopia would be a world where everything was perfect, where there was no conflict, only peace, harmony and love. Somewhere along the way, I have come to believe that if such a place existed, well at least on Earth, I think it would be simply boring, dull and dreary. I honestly think that part of being human, perhaps even the essence of humanity, is our need to struggle and to challenge the norm. Our brief history in the universe is evidence to support this theory. Humans have continued to fight the wave, to go against popular belief, to explore, discover, invent, and hypothesize. Yet as we discover more about the world around us, I also see a trend in us turning more inward, in a growing movement of people to look deeper within ourselves. I do think certain cultures and pockets of society have done this for some time, but it seems to be a more common thread. The difficulties that I face in life, the “dark” or bad times of my life have often been the more powerful catalysts that have helped me to better understand myself. This is a primary focus of my recovery journey. It is a goal to look not only in the mirror to see the real me, but to deeply seek to know the entire being that I am through introspection, investigation, experimentation, meditation and experience. This is not only for me to better cope with my addiction, but to help me develop new traits, characteristics and tools to deal with life in new and better ways, to change some of the fundamental aspects of me that have been flawed for many years. Bring on the adversity!

Affirmation

Challenge is a chance for change. Let me be willing to know myself intimately.

October 26

”When our hatred is too bitter it places us below those whom we hate.” Francois de la Rochefoucauld

One thing which has always bothered me, and still does, is when someone does not treat me with respect. It’s a trigger point for an angry outburst that is usually exaggerated based on the treatment (or mistreatment) that I have received. When I succumb to those outbursts though, I immediately sense that I have put myself lower than the person who has disappointed me. A recurring cause of regret and shame in my life for sure. Sometimes I manage to avoid lowering myself to the level of the person who is frustrating or antagonizing me. These are moments I can be proud of, the times when I stand my ground, keep my cool, and still continue to act out of respect for the other even if they don’t really deserve it. It’s about maintaining my standards in all situations, but also about treating others as I would like to be treated. Hatred, jealousy, bitterness or envy, these darker emotions can quickly take me to a place where I am no better, or worse than the people around me who bother me or get on my nerves. Some people will try to push my buttons, touch my sensitive areas to get me to react. But degrading my standards or disrespecting my own values is not something that will help me grow. I can all too easily spiral into a period of loathing which will turn me in towards myself and take me closer to my addiction. That is not a direction I wish to take, the cost of coming back is too great.

Affirmation

When I am mistreated it is okay to feel hurt, angry, or disrespected. But I believe that it is my Higher Power’s place to judge and punish others, not mine. Sometimes a taking deep breath and walking away is the best thing I can do for me.

October 22

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Step 3 is about turning our will and our life over the care of the God of our understanding. This is a deliberate act to relinquish control in my life, not to become a puppet, but to be lead because left to my own devices I tend to go astray. It is about faith and hope in a being/entity/source greater than me that frankly has a better understanding of life, the universe and everything. It’s also a sign of trust that my Higher Power, given the chance, will lead me down a better, brighter and more prosperous path. An acronym I quite like for God is Good Orderly Direction. That is what my prayer and meditation tend to focus on, asking for advice, direction, and aide in following God’s will. The complementary component to my prayer is to give thanks, to take the time to show gratitude for all the wonderful things that I have in life, all the ways that my Higher Power is taking care of me. I have had many false “gods” in my life, my addiction the most obvious, but I have become obsessed with others like recognition, fame, and fortune in periods of my life as well. Worshipping things of this world only mires me deeper in the problems of my earthly life. Experience is showing me that worshipping my spiritual source is not only taking away many of my worldly concerns, it is giving me freedom, joy and contentment that I never believed I could enjoy.

Affirmation

I will trust in my Higher Power, for His will and intention are good and just. In giving Him praise, I acknowledge all that He has done for me.

October 14

”Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom

Choices are the cornerstone of my world. There are those which propel me forward and those which help to keep me mired in the muck. Worry is one of the latter. It is something I am recognizing that serves no purpose other than to have me dwell incessantly on past mistakes or a future that has not yet come. Both of these have the same result, which is taking me away from today and from acting in the moment. Worry is also a root of other negative states, like anxiety, fear, desperation, frustration, sorrow and even depression. It saps my time and energy to focus on those things within my control. Worry is very much about spending, or wasting, time on all the multitude of things which are outside my control. A good place for the Serenity Prayer to help me regain my bearings. Just like my circles teach me to surround myself with healthy activities, I also need to consciously seek healthy states of mind. I agree that there will be times when situations evoke less pleasant emotions, and that it is important for me to experience them and get through those moments. However, those should not be my predominant feelings to help me along my way. I recognize that life is not a steady state, but filled with highs and lows, yet I do have the ability to wallow in my states of despair and sadness, or to find the courage to find the joy and happiness in life. My Higher Power is always there to lend me the strength to get back to living my life rather than merely passing from moment to moment.

Affirmation

Just like there are days when it is difficult to get out of bed, so too are there days when it will be hard to put a smile on my face. Yet even this is a choice, and I can choose to see the light of the day rather than the shadow that falls behind me.

October 11

”Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” Grandma Moses

Life has been strangely simply since I started to turn it over to the God of my understanding. There has been a new freedom in seeking out His will instead of my own. There has also been a great deal of relief in having the time and energy to focus on those things within my power, rather than giving it all to my addiction. Life is what I choose to make it? Well I suppose to a degree that’s true, but I do really believe that I am to ask for the guidance from my Higher Power to find the right path. There is an opposing choice which I do believe to be false. If I simply sit and wait for the right things to happen in my life, they’re not going to. I have been giving skills and abilities that I need to use to fulfill my purpose and be of service to others. Ignoring them will not take me down the road that I am supposed to follow. So there I have it – I need prayer and meditation to ask for guidance and to seek the will of my Higher Power. Then I need to use my talents to work towards those goals and to do His work. Like this blog, which I know is no longer only a tool for myself but for many others who I am grateful are also able to benefit from my experience. I need to continue to serve others, to be a committed part of my groups, my workplace and my community. I have been given a great gift in recovery of discovering who I am and learning how to transform my suffering into healing.

Affirmation

Staying on course is about me asking for guidance as well taking the steps to complete the tasks and objectives given to me.

October 10

”Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

As I have said many times, and I am likely to continue repeating, life is about choices. Through the program and my tools like the 12 Steps and the Serenity Prayer, I am getting better at being able to see where and when to make good choices. Bitterness, anger, frustration, malice – these are not choices that enhance my calm. Being loving, tenderhearted, forgiving, showing compassion – these are attitudes that make me feel genuinely good and support my recovery. There is a great parallel here to my program of recovery. Much of my focus these days is on incorporating my outer circle activities into as much of my life as possible. These are the healthy choices that not only support my recovery work, but they also help out my family, community, and workplace. In making decisions that support my new lifestyle, I strengthen my commitment and desire to continue living this way, free from the manipulation and control of my addiction. Much of my time is spent looking at how I can be of service to others, be it my children, my partner, my colleagues, or whomever I am in contact with. In doing so, I am gradually rebuilding my own self-esteem and confidence. I am increasing my self-love, self-acceptance, and fulfilling my own basic needs without needing to have them filled temporarily by sources outside myself. All this leads to a healthier, happier, and more resilient me.

Affirmation

Positive choices today, from my attitude to the activities that I undertake, have a significant influence on how good I will feel, and how healthy and sober my day will be.

October 8

”He who closes his ears to the views of others shows little confidence in the integrity of his own views.” William Congreve

Recovery has taught me that I need to ask for help and that I can benefit by listening to the opinions and advice of others. These are not things that come naturally to me. I grew up being very independent, always taking care of myself, only really ever relying on myself. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea that asking for help meant I was weak or less than. Life was my own struggle and I had to figure out how to get there by myself. Some of that faulty belief system also trickled into the thought that I was always right, or had to be right. I can see now how for many years I was pretty close-minded. I also see how that attitude was a cover for the fact that I was not all that confident in my own beliefs. Dazzle them with intellect or baffle them with BS as the saying goes. Hmm, just more uncovering of the parts of my former personality. My addiction had a far reaching impact on all aspects of my life. It manipulated lessons taught in life, promoting those that would serve its own purpose, like believing I had to go it alone. Recovery has helped me rediscovery the power of fellowship and community. These are both great gifts that have been a boon to my efforts in turning the page and starting down the better road. There is strength in numbers, and I benefit from the experience, strength and hope of all I meet.

Affirmation

Challenging my childhood beliefs is a necessary step in weeding out those which are false and no longer serve to guide me as an adult.

October 6

”If you don’t create change, change will create you.” Anonymous

I’m beginning to understand addiction as a disease of choice. My addiction began slowly, spreading slow tendrils and roots of illness by corrupting my small choices, by offering glimpses of instant gratification. Gradually the choices grew in consequence and in severity. And by the time I realized I was in trouble, there were thousands of connections that had been made and I was in a veritable web of deceit, shame and guilt. Yet even still, trapped as I was, I still retained the power of choice. My addiction, even with all the lies and deception, could not remove that basic principle. It certainly tried hard to cover up alternatives, to make only the choices that related to my addiction seem attractive or even possible. But the power of choice remained, however slight the chance remained that I could choose another path. Recovery is my process to change my choice-making behaviours. It is an exercise in awareness that lifts the fog that surrounds me, the blinding wall of falsehoods that my addiction built to protect its dominion. It’s a building of confidence that I can rely on different ways to cope with life, instead of continuing to blindly follow the choices that now create more harm than help. It’s the power once again to create, to rejoice, to rejuvenate, to live. It is also the opportunity to choose to relinquish control over those things I cannot change to my Higher Power, to focus on the limited number of things within my direct sphere of influence. It’s simply the choice to change.

Affirmation

Growth comes as I begin to see my addiction from the perspective of recovery, and start to understand this disease from which I have suffered for long enough.

September 30

”Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and deeper it sinks into the mind.” Samuel Taylor

My father used to say that he wished he could beat me over the head with all his wisdom and experience, in the hopes that it would sink in and help me avoid many of the pitfalls of life. He certainly tried hard enough to let me take all his hardships as proof that I did not need to follow similar paths in my own life. Unfortunately it seems that I was destined to learn through the school of hard knocks myself, and have taken the harder, painful road more often than the gentler way. Advice and criticism are still things that are hard for me to accept in my daily life. Somewhere along the way I learned that I was supposed to only rely on myself to get by, which has had the side-effect of making me react adversely to critiques by anyone, even those with the best intentions behind them. Here is a major character defect to turn over to my Higher Power and work at letting go. Being a parent myself, I am more aware how much further a gentle push goes than a hard shove when trying to show my children how to obey and respect the rules and others. The softer way is hard for me to show, only because my own frustration is usually getting in the way. I have to remember that it took me years to learn patience, how to do many of the daily chores and tasks before me, and that my children simply haven't reached that stage of their life yet. Gently, gently as she goes, and all will be well.

Affirmation

I will try to focus on where someone is coming fromwhen they give me advice, it is not an attempt to make me look bad, but to help me because they care about me.

September 29

”And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

These days, weeks and months of sobriety have given me the freedom and opportunities to look at my future. Some of that focus has been thinking about what kind of legacy I want to leave behind. Some of it has been looking at the things I would like to accomplish or the places I would like to go. One of the most interesting exercises/experiences I have done was a reflection on how my priorities in life would change if I found out I had only 1 year left to live. This made me challenge the things I am doing today to look and see if there were important things that are often being pushed to the side. I know it has made me more conscientious about spending time with those close to me, family and friends alike. It has also helped me to view of my worries and fears from a new perspective that makes me want to think about them a lot less. The biggest improvement in my life is my continually growing aptitude of living in the moment. Putting the past behind me and leaving the future to happen in its own time are huge hurdles to overcome in living for the now. Yet this is where I am needed most, right here is where I have the most to give, this exact instant is where I have the power of choice. My Higher Power has given me a huge gift, the freedom to decide what I want to do with the time that has been given to me. It’s high time that I take that responsibility seriously and respect this precious offering.

Affirmation

Time is an insubstantial thing, except for the moment I am in. It is here that life, decisions, and everything is tangible. This is where I need to be to make my life exceptional.

September 23

”Many people love in themselves what they hate in others.” E. F. Schumacher

It’s become apparent in recovery that often the things that bother me the most about my parents, my kids, my boss, my partner, my friends, etc. are those things that I don’t like about myself but haven’t fully admitted to having as defects of character. When I see others who are impatient, quick to judge, lacking respect or a number of other things, I am well aware of the problems of others. What I often fail to see is the mirror being presented of my own damaging behaviours. I guess part of this is human nature, of not wanting to admit that I am at fault or to blame. But often that is the case, and I just do not want to take the time to own up to my own shortcomings, to take that hard honest look at myself and admit that I was wrong. It’s so much easier to find fault in others then to find it in myself. But, and this is an important lesson for me to remember, there is nothing I can change about someone else’s problems. Mine, however, well, there is a lot that can be done to make things different. Step 6 is about being willing to let my Higher Power remove my shortcomings, to start letting go of the poor behaviours of the past that no longer serve me in a useful fashion. An interesting part of this process is that it gives me the freedom to start seeing the good things in others that I like about myself, instead of only focusing on those aspects I don’t like. This is a positive change of view and just another sign of my personal growth in my journey of recovery.

Affirmation

I will look to see what bothers me about others today and reflect on my own issue with that behaviour or character flaw. Perhaps there is more for me to learn and change.

September 14

”A hug is a smile with arms, a laugh with a stronger grip.” Terri Guillemets

There is a special power in a physical and intimate connection with another human being. I used to think this only meant a sexual connection, but I am beginning to see there are many different shades of intimacy. I have been able to establish friendships with members of the opposite sex, without fear of attraction or crossing the line. At the same time, I have also been working on developing closer relationships with people of the same sex, and finally moving behind the casual into deeper connections where we can discuss very personal things. I have many good friends now, and I have more and more opportunities to be hugged. There is a lot involved in a good hug, and I can sense the other person’s authenticity, caring, strength and love. I try to focus on similar things so that they are shared and felt by the person I am hugging. It is a transfer of energy, and a building of closeness. It is another reminder that I am not alone. And even if I am alone, well, I can always hug myself. I experienced a workshop activity where I was given an opportunity to do some reconciliation with my inner child. During the process, because it felt like the right thing to do, I hugged myself and gentle caressed my own face and ran my fingers through my hair. It was a unique experience in taking the time to appreciate myself, and give some much needed self-care in a way I have never done. It was also a reminder that I need to love myself and take care of all my aspects, and that I don’t, and shouldn’t, have to rely on others to meet my needs all the time.

Affirmation

Intimacy is something that can be learned. I need to learn to be intimate with myself, and intimate in other ways than just sexually with others.

September 7

”My story isn’t sweet and harmonious, like invented stories. It tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dreams, like the lives of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves.” Hermann Hesse

Wow, what a quote. For me it sums up perfectly life before and after admitting that I had an addiction. Life before was a fairy tale that I was trying very hard to continue to believe, pursue, and make a reality. Life since admitting I had a problem has been a wild rollercoaster ride through some pretty wicked weather. And this life is reality that I am learning to accept as it is, rather than pretend it is something else. Life is, and always has been, about choices. My past was filled of choices of avoidance, blaming, running away, or ignoring the truth. It focused on immediate and instant gratification; it did not care about the long term, or the consequences of my actions. It was short-sighed, selfish and very exclusive. My present is about acceptance, forgiveness, honesty, staying in the moment and trust. It is focused on real relationships, genuine connections with myself, my Higher Power, and other human beings. It cares about the moment, knowing that if I am doing well here, the future will take care of itself. It does worry about consequences and how my decisions and actions affect those around me. It has selfish aspects in terms of making my recovery and personal relationship a priority, but it seeks to balance that with all the other parts of my ever-expanding horizon of reality, which is very inclusive. All because I no longer wish to lie to myself, which makes me content to not have a life which is sweet and harmonious.

Affirmation

Reality is a mix of ups and downs, highs and lows, good, bad and sometime ugly moments. But reality is the better option, so God Bless the Mess.

August 26

”Human beings, we have dark sides; we have dark issues in our lives. To progress anywhere in life, you have to face your demons.” John Noble

There are days like today where I am really not very proud of myself. After a conversation with someone who I care about where I have to admit, once again, that I have lied, cheated, done or said something to break their trust, have disrespected them in some way, I don’t feel very good about being me. Then there is admitting I’ve done those same things to the relationship with myself, as well as the one with my Higher Power. Living a program of rigorous honest isn’t simple, has many parts that are not enjoyable, and doesn’t come without a lot of hard work and effort. I don’t like having to be reminded that I have to try harder to follow my program of recovery, to respect my rules and boundaries and abide by the things I’ve place in my circles. The pull to just be normal is too strong and attractive sometimes. Yet if I look in the mirror, although it’s not tattooed on my forehead, there is a reflection of an addict. Me, the broken one, struggling to find the way to live a life where my disease is manageable and I am not always out of control. Yes, moments like this can make me question why I continue to bother. Why not just simply give in, go back to the way things used to be. Two good reasons come to mind. The first one is that I can no longer go back to who I was. I no longer have the ignorance of not having identified my disease. Secondly, and more important, I am well aware of all that I stand to lose, all the consequences that await me at the end of the darker path. Given the options, I will pick up the heavy burden today and pray for the strength to carry until tomorrow.

Affirmation

Gray days will happen, and there will be times when I need to clean the slate once again, and share all that is still happening beneath the surface. This is the only way for me to stay sober.

August 25

”Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.” Les Brown

Part of my self-discovery in my recovery work has been to look at some of the beliefs that I have carried with me from childhood. One area has been to investigate all the things I have learned from the fairy tales of my youth. In doing so, there are many simple truths that simply aren’t true. Happily ever after, well it may exist, but it doesn’t just fall into anyone’s lap. Love at first sight, well experience would say lust, and then reality eventually comes back into the picture. This internal work continues to show me, time and time again, that most of the things that are worthwhile in my life will only remain that way as long as I continue to choose to make them a priority. I will continue to be in love because I make the choice, each and every day, to love the partner I am with. As a result I will dedicate time and energy to nurture that relationship. Choosing to be a good father/coworker/friend falls into the same pattern. The simple truth of the matter is that it is where I put my time and energy that counts. This is where my willpower comes into play. I do have the capacity to choose to focus on these positive aspects. I do have the ability to turn my will over to my Higher Power, and ask for help to keep them a priority. In committing to recovery, in seeking to learn how to be a better me, I have little choice but to move away from my old behaviours that held me back. The motivation is within me, and always has been.

Affirmation

It’s not enough for me to say I want something. I need to make the effort to incorporate what I want into my life in order to realize my goals.