July 30

”When defeat comes, accept it as a sign that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your current goal.” Napoleon Hill

Relapse is not much fun. Falling off the path of recovery and back to my old ways is not pleasant. It is a painful reminder that I have a problem. It is a step back to the guilt and shame of the past. It is a reminder of the failure – to myself and those close to me. It breaks trust, removes hope and crushes dreams. It admitting once more that I screwed up and needing to find the strength and courage to pick myself back up and to carry on. Routine was my biggest enemy this time around. Routine that involved me feeling like I am normal, like I don’t need to constantly be working my program. But my relapse has shown me this is not the case. The only way for me to stay sober is to make my program my new routine. Straying from my outer circle and all the important things in my healthy recovery sets me up to fall back. The addiction is always in the wings waiting for a chance to get back in the game. So my resolve has to be redoubled. I need to do most of the good things for me each and every day. That means activities like sleeping and eating well, getting exercise, spending time in my program, checking in with my sponsor or a sponsee, reading recovery materials, writing, prayer and meditation, and time with friends or loved ones. Each element plays it’s part in keeping me healthy. I need to make a checklist to review each day as part of my Step 10 inventory and then reflect on how well I am planning for success. Otherwise I am moving towards being vulnerable for my poorer decisions and behaviours.

Affirmation

My program is not perfect, but as long as I am willing to keep trying, I will get it mostly right and stay on the right path.