December 30

”A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” David Brinkley

How do I react to the criticisms of others? What do I do with those who try to pull me down, discredit me, or make me look bad? Do I retaliate? Do I cower and hide? Or is there another option? I have spent much of my life lacking the self-confidence to stand up for myself, to defend my values and beliefs, to take charge when others have tried to bring me down. In truth, I believe that this was due in part because I did not have a good relationship with myself, nor with a Higher Power. Rather I lived letting others define who I was, how I should act, and determine what role I was supposed to be playing. Life in recovery has begun to show me that there is another way to go through this world. Following the will of the God of my understanding provides direction for my life. It also provides support and helps me to ignore those who do not wish to see me succeed in life. I am beginning to understand that much of that criticism comes from jealousy, envy and others misfortune and not that of my own. People who are mean tend not be well in their own lives and seek to put others down in attempt to make themselves feel better. That is not how I choose to live. I can use that negative energy targeted against me as proof that I am going in the right direction.

Affirmation

Negative reactions to how I am living can be as important as positive ones to reinforce that I am doing the right thing. I need to also be cognizant of the source of those reactions to determine what I should do with the feedback received.

December 29

” Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” Confucius

The holiday season can be a particularly difficult one. It has indeed been hard for me over the past several years, for different reasons. Well, maybe not that different, many of my recent Christmas’ have been challenging because my family has had significant changes – some of those losses because of my separation and divorce, others because of gains as I also remarried and created a blended family. Each season of change brings with it unique aspects to adjust to and incorporate into the “new normal.” Through all of this, going with all my heart has been an underlying goal, but certainly something more difficult as I have dealt with losses. It is not always easy or obvious how to focus on all the blessings and good things that remain in my life when something important has been lost. Put another way, it’s hard to lead fully with my heart when I am feeling heart-broken. Maybe, in retrospect, I was there in those moments with my all my heart, at least those parts which were still intact. Perhaps this is another area where I need to be gentle with myself and accept that my capacity for love, affection and full commitment to being present is something that fluctuates given the circumstances I find myself in. My 100% doesn’t always translate the same way, and that is okay.

Affirmation

It is okay for my all to not been the same from day to day or season to season. I will focus on being present to the best of my ability, just for today.

December 28

”Just because fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.” Les Brown

Surrendering does not mean giving up. The Steps are teaching me that surrendering my will to that of the God of my understanding is about giving up on my ways which are not working and opening myself up to the guidance and direction of my Spiritual Source which knows better than me the path I should be taking. The only way for me to discover that road is to stop, to ask for direction through prayer or conscious contact with my Higher Power, and then listening through meditation and looking for the signs of the way to proceed. There is a heavy focus on accepting the hand that life has dealt me and looking to make the best of the situations that I find myself in. There is only so much I can do and only so much influence that I can exert at any given time. I have to trust in my abilities but also keeping in mind that I want to actively seek to do God’s will and not my own. If I am consciously seeking Him then I will go right more often than I go wrong. I will always be human, and I’m not always going to do things the right way, or let my ego get the better of me and be selfish from time to time. This is a process, a path of seeking progress and not perfection. The more I am consciously looking for the guidance of my Source the easier it becomes. And my life goes in a better, healthier direction as a result. I know my Higher Power never bluffs, so I will continue along faithfully following His way.

Affirmation

I have confidence that I can deal with whatever hand is dealt to me as long as I remember to seek the will of my Higher Power.

December 20

”Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” Robert H. Schuller

As Shakespeare might have said, “Ay, there lies the rub.” Of course Hamlet was speaking about life and death and his choices to escape the pain. Then, again, maybe not so dissimilar to Mr. Schuller’s quote. How is it that I can choose to lead my life, by my sorrow and pain, or by my blessings and joy? An outsider might question that musing by asking if I have the power or ability to choose to have only blessings or sorrow in my life. Yet that is not exactly the question I asked, which was which do I choose to be led by? That implies a distinct difference, meaning that I acknowledge I will have both hopes and hurts in life, but that I can choose to focus on whichever I like. Either can be a catalyst for shaping my future. My hurts, I think, tend to lead me towards seeking justice, and sometimes revenge. It is less about growth than trying to rectify the past. In contrast, my hopes lead me towards goals, dreams and accomplishments. These are often acts of creation and service to help better the world around me. I can see how where I put my emphasis can have a big impact on my decisions and actions. I think hoping is a much healthier and productive option.

Affirmation

My future will be brighter if I focus on my hopes and dreams and take measures towards fulfilling them.

December 17

”Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” Les Brown

There are days where I find being responsible for my life a great burden. Usually this is due to my doing the right things and still having unpleasant things happen that I have little or no control over. It’s not always easy to remember all the blessings I have when tragedy strikes or when things I love are taken away. Life is not always fair. So what helps – getting angry at my Higher Power? Maybe for a brief moment. Pouting or getting depressed? Not really, this takes me away from people in my life who care about me, including myself. Writing, meditating, prayer or something else to allow myself to feel the emotions I am feeling? This is often the most unnatural reaction, yet the more I go here, the sooner I feel better. Life happens, the good, bad and the ugly. Most of life happens because of things I have absolutely no influence or control over. That’s just the way it is. So why do I have to try and fix everything all the time – it simply cannot be done, I am not God. It’s not my place to make things better. So I am left to live through my part in it all, make peace with my feelings, and take that next step forward, trusting in the God of my understanding. But for the grace of God go I, sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, sometimes begrudgingly, but forward I will go.

Affirmation

Responsibility for my life includes being responsible to accept my feelings and to temper my reactions. I will be kind to myself when things are not going my way.

December 16

”Part of being a man is learning to take responsibility for your successes and for your failures. You can’t go blaming others or being jealous. Seeing somebody else’s success as your failure is a cancerous way to live.” Kevin Bacon

I do appreciate the discussion in Step 4 about resentment where we are called to focus on our part, however small, in situations where we are holding something against someone else. This has been helpful for me in two ways. The first, of course, has been in taking responsibility for my own actions. This was certainly something I shrunk away from during my life, especially during my periods of active addiction. The second way, and perhaps more important way, is realizing that I am not responsible for how others have acted or treated me. It is about coming to the realization that I have been holding on to grudges which have had the result of allowing that situation or person to keep power over me for a long time. This awareness leads to the conclusion that only I can let go of those issues from my past to grant me freedom. This is a large component of my work in recovery, to regain power where I have given it away. It is about recognizing where I have made mistakes, seeking forgiveness and making amends. It is about turning over what others have done to my Higher Power with the realization that I am powerless to change them.

Affirmation

I will work on acknowledging my part in situations of the past, and giving back responsibility to those who have wronged me in return.

December 15

”The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue.” Antisthenes

I once heard a fairly well-known celebrity remark on how his best introduction had been a time when the emcee had made a list of all the things that he was not. It seems a bit counter-intuitive, but then again so is the idea that we need to sometimes spend more time focused on unlearning things than being taught something new. I do see a strong relationship between this concept and Steps 6 and 7. Recognizing my character defects, becoming willing to let them go, and then asking my Higher Power to remove them is really an unlearning process. It is a housekeeping chore of getting rid of my old, unwanted, deteriorated and less useful attitudes, behaviours and beliefs. I need to make space in my life and my world before I can really focus on new ways of living. I am continually seeing how the Steps are a process of learning about myself so that I can get out of the way of my own self-centered ideas and actions. It’s about gaining the awareness that I need to surrender so that I am able to follow the will of my Higher Power. It’s taking the time to slow down, and stop to listen so that I can see the signs and hear the quiet voice of God directing my life His way. This is the power of my program.

Affirmation

Today I will be cognizant of old patterns of thought and behaviours that I need to unlearn in order make space for better ways to be me.

December 3

”Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.” William Feather

It is true that there are certain times of the year that have been inherently more difficult than others. Holidays, birthdays, and other special dates take on a new flavour with changes to relationships, new family dynamics, and a sense of grief and loss. I have had to come to terms with my new reality, more than once, and then find a way to accept this and the impact it has on such significant events. It is not always easy. Getting into the Christmas spirit, for example, is not something I feel like doing when I think about what has been lost, how things are not the same. I have to find the strength and the courage to focus on what I still have, and to realize that I still deserve to find happiness today, no matter what the situation is. There is a great deal of truth in the fact that I need to choose to find happiness within, because if my only sources of happiness are things which are external, well many of things are also temporary. That is not a recipe for long-lasting joy. This is a great parallel to my serenity and sobriety. I am not sustained by external things, by my strengthening my connection to my internal powers, my Source or Higher Power, and my sense of self. These are the aspects which will always be there; I only need to focus my energy on them. Joy to the world, I will let my light shine from within.

Affirmation

When I feel unhappy or at odds with the world today, I will slow down, breathe and remember that my true source of happiness and joy lies within me.