November 7 (87)

”We are all travellers in the wilderness of the world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” Robert Louis Stevenson

It feels odd to have struggled for so long to find true friendship in the past, to have only felt like people were acquaintances with mostly superficial attachment. Yet I now have rooms full of friends who listen to whatever I need to say, who do not judge, who care and support me, who don’t try to rescue me, who tell me to it straight when I need and who, for lack of a better term, love me unconditionally. Who would have thought that my problems could have brought me so close to so many people in a positive way? My addiction has allowed me to connect with others in a way I never imagined was possible. The most curious thing is the open and honest sharing that takes place in my meetings is so contagious. The good will that is shown spreads innocuously through us all and I have seen it work miracles in transforming the attitudes and lives of others. There are so many ways that finding SAA has changed my life that it is hard to know where to begin. I truly do feel most days that I have been given a second chance and this time some rules and guidelines to live by that will help keep me on track. Coupled with a support group to guide me as well, how can I go wrong?

Affirmation Finding friends in recovery, brought close through the pain of my past, is one of the many wonders I can gain through the program.

November 6 (88)

”Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” Benjamin Spock

This is a hard thing to do some days…trusting myself. Thinking back, that sentiment is what led me down many paths that weren’t the best decisions. Yet, honestly, at the same time, if I consider the person that I am now and who I am becoming, I do trust myself a great deal more than I used to. And, apparently, as is continuously evident in my God-given talent to keep filling these pages, I do know more than I think I do. Or at the very least, I am open to being a vessel for the inspiration of my Higher Power to flow through me and into these passages. Sometimes I even pay attention and listen! Learning to forgive myself has been a big challenge. I have caused real harm, hurt real people, and there are many regrets that I have which I may never be able to properly amend. It’s not right, fair, nor anything I can control. Part of my acceptance is being willing to let God present those opportunities for amends when and if they are part of His plans, not my own. If they come or don’t, there is a lesson for me to learn, and many other things I can focus on doing better. Life is full of surprises, but I am becoming more capable of handling events as they rise, accepting situations as they unfold and finding my part to play. I thank my Higher Power regularly for the continuing guidance and insight which continues to keep me headed in the right direction.

Affirmation In time doubt will be replaced with faith, fear with trust, and I will move forward with confidence and purpose.

November 5 (89)

”Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” Benjamin Franklin

I was one of those fortunate kids in my early school years who didn’t have to try super hard to have god grades. Paying attention in class and doing my homework was usually sufficient to do well. Most times I wouldn’t even need to study for exams, which usually annoyed my friends. Problem was, I didn’t really develop good study habits which became painfully obvious in my post-secondary studies. It was then that I envied the people who had had to struggle through their early school years as they were much better prepared to handle university than I was. This is a good parallel with my emotional growth. Because I buried my emotions for years from my early teens onward, I also didn’t learn the best ways of dealing with them. It’s not as fun trying to go through some of these lessons later in life, when I am supposed to be more mature and capable. I know well enough that I learn better when I am involved and I hope, at least, to be able to use this knowledge to better guide my children. I need to make those extra efforts to help true learning take place and hopefully give them a better start in life.

Affirmation The struggles of my youth often set the stage for my adult years and the lessons I missed are harder, but not impossible, to learn when I am older.