October 27

”God may be subtle, but he isn’t plain mean.” Albert Einstein

I don’t believe my Higher Power is mean or that it’s His will for me to have a life of only difficulty and struggle. People, though, I am less certain about. Knowing how I was in my active addiction, when I was the furthest from the will of the God of my understanding, I know I was not the nicest person to those around me. And even though I thought I was being subtle in most cases, in retrospect many of my actions were pretty deliberate and blatant. Part of me is glad to acknowledge that when I open myself up to following the way laid before me by my spiritual guide that life is better. I still face challenges, to be certain, but I am less worried about making it through. Knowing I have this power behind me helps me when the challenges I face are created by other people, and helps me not to blame either them or God for difficulties that confront me. I still have moments when I want to be in charge, would prefer that things went my way, or simply lack the faith to fully trust my Higher Power. Yet I know that it is the better, healthier way, as surrendering has made the biggest impact in my life. I know all too well that I haven’t done such a great job in directing my life on my own to this point. Maybe letting the man upstairs take the wheel is not such a bad idea after all.

Affirmation Bad things will happen in my life, but I can trust my Higher Power that I will make it through as long as I continue to follow his direction.