May 16

”There's nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself.” James Lee Burke

Rejection – one of my biggest fears, one of my best known triggers. But I think I finally figured something out. Most of the rejection I have experienced has been from actions that weren’t even targeting me. That might seem a little confusing, so I guess I need to explain. I used to think that rejection meant that someone was wilfully pushing me aside, that I was less than, didn’t measure up, or had some other deficiency. In essence, that some part of me was the problem (or all of me as the case may be.) I am starting to see that is not the case at all. I think many times when I have felt rejected, I may not have been someone’s top priority, that they had something more important on the go that meant my needs (or wants) couldn’t be met by them. That’s it. Simply put, there are times when I think I should be everyone’s number 1 priority (a false expectation which cannot always be true) and then I am hurt when someone else does not treat me that way (other people have their own priorities, pretty normal if I think about it.) So what does this mean to me now? Hmm, well giving it some additional brain power, I see that I need to be open to seeing where other people are coming from when I feel rejected. What is it that is important to them at the time I feel this way? And for my own part, how is it I am feeling, what are my needs that I want to be met that seem to be at a shortfall? Looking at things this way, I can see rejection in a new light and with new understanding.

Affirmation

I may be amazed at the insight that comes my way when I stop to look inside myself, examine my feelings, my needs and desires. It is a worthwhile exercise to know myself better.