May 25

”I am not who I once was, Defined by all the things I've done Afraid my shame would be exposed, Afraid of really being known” Ellie Holcomb

Yup, those two ideas sum up the old me pretty succinctly. Afraid my shame would be exposed and afraid of being truly known. My shame was driven by the secrets I kept, those things that I thought I would never ever tell another human being, things that I thought no one could possible ever hear, understand or, heaven forbid, forgive. It was unimaginable to believe that there could be anyone who could know me as I truly was and still want to be with me. Yet I have found that within my fellowship. Those secrets, those dark hidden places within me have been brought out into the light. I have shared parts of me that I never thought could be discussed. It didn’t kill me. It didn’t cause people to go running scream in terror. It hasn’t ostracized me. I’ve not been banished to an island. Instead, I have found others like me, discovered that I am not alone, that I am not so unique in my illness, that there are those who can understand because they too, have been there. Who’d have thought this could be the case? I am not who I once was. I no longer define myself by all that I have done. There are regrets, there are many decisions that I wish I could take back, things that I wish never happened. But I cannot change any of that. The program has shown me that I can leave the past behind, that I do not need to be a victim of my history but that in following the will of my Higher Power I can write a new story today, and every today. Each new day presents a new sheet of paper, filled with endless possibility where I can be the best me that I can.

Affirmation

I will explore all that life has to offer to me, put my best foot forward, and leave the past behind me as it needs not have any influence on today.