November 21

”It costs nothing to dream, but everything if you don't.” Rita Davenport

Some days my skies are gray, colours muted, food bland, and life is dull. There feels like there is little to be thankful for or grateful about, that life is simply continuing but really not improving. It can be hard in these moments to find my blessings, to find reasons to be happy about my circumstances. Usually these are the days when I am facing some challenge of my past or my recovery from it. And usually they are not when I am dreaming of a better future. Let’s face the facts, recovery is not glorious. My past behaviours and idolization of my addiction have led me down some dark paths and have caused some serious damage. I have some serious atonement and amends to make to start repairing what I have broken, to start allowing myself and others to heal from the life I used to live. Some days it just isn’t fun being in recovery. I need to remind myself that being recovery is good, that it is the right thing. The alternative, going back to my old ways, isn’t a viable option. That I can be melancholy and suffer through today is a gift, if only in the sense that it means today I am not actively supporting my addiction. Sometimes that has to be enough to keep me moving forward in my program. And maybe I can find the energy to dream of when things will be brighter.

Affirmation Some days are tough, and much of my recovery is going to take hard work to make it through. But the end goal is worth the struggle and I commit to persevering to the finish line.