June 21

”I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” Bill Cosby

I remember the reaction from one counsellor on hearing me divulge that I was a sex addict for the first time. He looked me square in the eyes and said, “So you have boundary issues do you.” In less than 3 seconds he neatly summarized years of behaviour. Of course it took me much longer to apply this against my previous actions. In the end thought, that observation has applied to most of my acting out, and even middle circle behaviours. Many of my downward spirals simply kept pushing my limits, the boundaries of my morals and values. Not only did I breach my own trust, I also brought others along for the ride. I have taken innocent situations and obsessed about them until I was convinced they meant way more than intended. I have taken a harmless glance and turned into an invitation for a one-night stand. My addict has done little to allow me to see clearly, always distorting reality in the attempt to make me fulfill my sexual desires. Some of my motivation was to try and please others, to fit in and be accepted. In recovery today I am establishing healthy boundaries for myself and learning to accept and respect those of others. I know that in my fellowship I am accepted simply as I am, I have no need to pretend to be someone or something else. And that suits me just fine.

Affirmation Today I focus on respecting my boundaries as well as those of others. I need to be clear on where I stand and differentiate my needs from my wants.