March 18

”To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting” e e cummings

Who am I? I’ve asked myself that question many times, both in my active addiction and in recovery. Usually my answer involves the roles I have in my life, in my family, at work and in the community. But none of these really get to the root of who I am, they are more reflections of how I am perceived by specific groups of people. To honestly answer the question I have to look internally. What is at the core of my being, my likes, dislikes, strengths, faults, morals, values and beliefs. This sounds an awful lot like Step 4, taking a personal inventory. This is not something I have ever really put much thought into until creating my inventory. For most of my life I’ve been content with the idea that I know at a superficial level who I am, which was based more on how I projected myself rather than the reflection of my true inner self. Being in recovery and giving up my double life means being honest with myself and trying to live as the person I see in the mirror as opposed to what I think is expected of me. At the end of the day, I know the opinion of myself that matters most is my own.

Affirmation I will be authentic and genuine today. I will be aware of the ways I behave that are incongruent and unnatural.