August 6

”The wave is not separate from the ocean; oxygen in the water is not separate from the hydrogen; the waves is not separate from the particle; I am not separate from you. In fact nothing is separate from anything. We are one.” Lance Secretan

As much as my spouse and I are one, we are now more apart than ever. Seeing that separation as a permanent result looms ever closer, I am more and more aware of how far the divide between us has grown. I have tried in many ways to keep the bond close, communication open, but my spouse has chosen a different path and one I cannot follow and still maintain my sanity and sobriety. So my decision has to be to protect myself first and foremost so I can continue all my other responsibilities as a parent, friend, employee, etc. There are many people who will appreciate the recovering me. I will probably have some regrets, for a short while, about where our paths have led us, but in retrospect there is a lot to be thankful for as well. Sometimes things are broken beyond repair, and I know that hanging on will simply slow down or stall my own recovery. If I am not taking care of me I am of little use to anyone else. I will face the consequences of my actions, knowing that I have the support of my fellowship, my Higher Power and my family. My spouse will have to do likewise, but I cannot take on or solve their problems. I need to stay on my own path and, God willing, maybe somewhere down the line our paths will cross again when we are both healthy.

Affirmation I can face going it alone, because in reality, with God at my side and my brothers and sisters in SAA supporting me, I shall never be solitary again.