April 27

”Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.” Golda Meir

In a moment of wisdom I had the thought that it is the pain of recovery that propels us through the door, but it is the promise of hope that keeps us coming back. I truly believe this principle applies to my own journey and I have witnessed it in my own experiences at meetings. I take Step One on a daily basis, and admitting that I have a problem is the catalyst for me to reach for my tools of recovery. I am hopeful that I can learn to love more deeply, laugh more fully and experience joy more purely in contrast to the depths of despair and burden of guilt and shame that I have lived through in my acting out. Yet even if I only achieve some level of balance, of positive and negative emotions in reasonable measure but not to extremes, I will certainly be content. My life is about achieving equilibrium and living in moderation. I no longer want to hide parts of who I am or how I feel. I deserve to be a whole person and to be accepted as I am. I have as much right to weep when I am sad or laugh when I am glad as the next person. I am allowed to be okay with me.

Affirmation I know that pain and hope are parts of my journey. I will recognize my feelings and allow myself to feel them today.