”What the hearts has owned and had, it
shall never lose.”
Henry Ward Beecher
|
One
of my most difficult challenges in my recovery has been trying to reconcile
my relationships, especially my marriage. Realizing how much my addiction has
taken away, how much damage it has caused to the love and trust that is
supposed to be the foundation, has made it painfully evident how much work
needs to be done to begin healing. I am more aware of how much I stand to
lose, how much I have tossed aside. I am committed first to my own recovery,
and somewhat of a secondary effect is the improvement in my commitment to my
spouse. Working my program does not guarantee success in restoring my
relationship.
I
have has lost many opportunities to be a responsible and caring parent. Yet I
can be more present today and begin to reintegrate myself in to the lives of
my children. My kids will notice my renewed interest and enthusiasm as long as
I am consistent. I have stopped hiding my emotions from them and I am trying
to be a more genuine person to be a better role model.
I
am rediscovering what love truly is, not the selfish lust and desire of my
past, but the selfless giving and sharing with those I deeply care about. I
am becoming comfortable with the idea that no matter what the future holds I
will be alright with myself. I will still be the father that my children
need. And my love for my spouse will always be a part of me.
|
Affirmation
I can
remain true to who I am and try to mend relationships but I need to keep my
recovery a priority.
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These thoughts are part of my personal journal - reflections of where I am and have been in my recovery, but also where I want to be. My words come from my heart, and moments of clarity when I am best connected with my Higher Power. May God grant you serenity in reviewing my humble beginnings and my continuing path of recovery.
Friday, 11 May 2012
May 11
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