May 3

”It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen” Herodotus

Early recovery has been difficult…for me it has meant taking a number of risks. I risk being honest with myself and others. I risk trying new ways of coping with life. I risk sharing my past and present with those in my groups. I risk reconnecting my head to my heart and experiencing my emotions. All these risks make me vulnerable and it is far from comforting to expose myself. The other, and maybe largest, risk that I have had to take in recovery is accepting that I cannot do this, not only recovery – but life, on my own. I need to welcome my Higher Power back into my life and accept the guidance that comes my way. Admitting I am not the master of my own destiny is frightening. Yet for me, like many of these risks, my fears and anxiety are often worse than how things actually turn out. Honesty is getting easier and while it still may be hard, it is a lot simpler than having to maintain a web of lies. The new ways of living mean that I need to be responsible and cannot simply run away, but once something has been dealt with I can move on with my life. Reconnecting to my feelings and moving forward with my emotional maturity has been challenging. Letting feelings come and be experienced, however, is not as bad as I had imagined. Turning my will over to my Higher Power actually gives me a new sense of freedom and personal power.

Affirmation I will dare to risk doing something for my recovery today that frightens me; the reward is worth it.