May 21

”Life is pleasant. Death peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” Isaac Asimov

Transitions are certainly difficult in my life. I think in even simpler terms, what is comfortable is pleasant, or at the least non-threatening. Change, giving up something to be or to do something else, a small “d” death, is often scary and creates anxiety, fear and other negative emotions. I like my routine. It’s safe, it grounds me, and I enjoy knowing what to expect. Routine, though, also creates a false illusion that I am in control of a great many things – which is simply not reality. So when something happens to disrupt my day, it can easily throw off my entire state of serenity. Change happens all the time but my mind has a very selective perception and tends to ignore most of the details. Monday this week is pretty much the same as last week. Yet if I took a couple minutes to think, I know I could create a list of differences, from subtle to not-so-subtle. But my mind is content to treat them as the same despite the inconsistencies. My increased awareness of myself, my motivations and my actions also means that I am more conscious about change. For me this why my journey of recovery so often feels uncomfortable…but that’s exactly how it should be.

Affirmation I will use my awareness to focus on my discomfort today. Change can happen when I am not in a routine place.