November 14 (80)

”It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed.” Horace

Although at this point I may not have discovered all the reason why I chose to let my addiction be my primary coping addiction for all those years, I do have a much better understanding of the role it played. It was my main "band-aid" in my emotional first aid kit, where I turned when I was hurt, lonely, sad, experiencing loss, or in any other emotional state where I wanted to bury or repress how I was feeling. Now in my recovery I am gradually coming to terms with the wounds of my past. Learning to forgive others, to make amends and to simply let go are all ways that finally let those scars heal and remove their influence from how I live today. So while I can see that it was foolish to live as I did, putting all my faith in something that sought to destroy my life, in all honesty I didn't know a better way. The consequences of all my actions aside, my addiction did carry me to where I am today. Thankfully, I know now there are many better ways to handle my feelings and my first aid kit has multiple remedies for handling emotional situations. As I continue to Live and Let Live, I am less the fool and less driven by shame.

Affirmation Reconciling my wounds from the past will free me from the shame and guilt I have been carrying and allow me to move forward.