November 17 (77)

”Shame may restrain what the law does not prohibit.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

One of the hardest things to deal with when I was in active addiction was how the consequences of my actions had no impact. I knew all the things I risked losing, the diseases I could have picked up, the damage I could have done to my relationships, my family and my reputation. None of it mattered when my compulsive behaviour took hold. All that mattered was getting my fill, no matter the cost. I really wish my shame had been strong enough to deter my actions. This is the problem with my disease – it takes over control of my ability to reason and consider the consequences of my choices. The desire to fulfill my sexual needs took precedence over everything else, even over my basic want for food, shelter and security. I am so thankful to be in recovery now and to be able to respect boundaries. I know that my addiction will work against me and take over if I give it the chance. This is why I need to be persistent and vigilant in working my program. The compulsive and unmanageable tendencies of my illness will remain part of my nature and will try to manifest in other ways. My best defense is a good offense in racking up recovery points by focusing on my outer circle behaviours and activities.

Affirmation I acknowledge that my addictive personality will be part of me, but I have the willpower to make other choices. I choose recovery today!