November 22 (72)

”There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” G. K. Chesterton

This quote certainly rings true in terms of my addiction. Until I found recovery, the desires to act out came from a seemingly bottomless pit. Nothing was ever enough, the demand was always there for more, more acting out in terms of increased frequency, greater risk, greater perversity, and greater duration. It was an impossible request to fulfill and not lose sight of everything else in my life that mattered. Finding the program gave me the first glimpses of being able to reduce that unquenchable desire. I never imagined that such a thing could be possible at first. But as I listened to the sharing of others and heard their stories of a gradual return to a more normal life, I found hope that I, too, could make my own way back to a saner life. The changes happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, yet in retrospect much faster than I could have imagined. I not only lost the urges to consistently act out, and in darker fashion, but I have gained the freedom to no longer have my every thought revolve around sexual fantasy and desire. It is an indescribable relief to be able to focus on the present moment, liberated from the iron-clad grasp of my addictive thinking.

Affirmation I can find a way out of the downward spiral into a place where my desire will lessen as I work the Steps of the program.